Last Day of Effexor, Last Day of Therapy

So today is two big lasts: my last day being on Effexor and my last day of going to mental health therapy. It was completely random that they coincided like this.

 

So far, the drug transition has gone pretty well. I’m on week two of three. I see my regular doctor on Thursday about everything, but I think it’s gone pretty well. I had a few bad days and a few really good ones and several in between.

 

The therapy went really well, too. I’ve learned a lot more about myself and what I want and how to get there from here. My therapist was really great to work with and asked a lot of good questions that honestly if I’d been self-help-booking it I would have just glossed over and not answered. It’s important for me to have someone there looking at me waiting for an answer before my brain will provide me with one.

 

I have spent the last two weeks mostly avoiding the world, though. I haven’t done any writing at all (though plenty of daydreaming), or paying much attention to the calendar (sorry I missed a few things), and am at the whoa-nuke-my-email-inbox-and-start-over stage of emailing. Thankfully nearly all important things are texted or FB messaged these days. So if you’ve been waiting for an email response from me…well, try again through another method because I have totally just been deleting everything these days.

What else? This afternoon I start writing actual words again. Tonight I’ll work on a therapist-suggested daily schedule for writing/housework/hobbies. I’m also outlining a new chores/consequences schedule for the kids, since they have not been motivated by rewards (also therapist-suggested). Tomorrow I’ll put all that into motion.

I think that’s it. Whee! On to the writing….

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Transitioning from Effexor to Trintellix

As most of you know, I deal with both depression and anxiety disorder in my daily life. I’ve been on and off meds for them since I was about 16. The drug that worked the best and for the longest has been, up until recently, Effexor. It has reached the failure point, though. I keep going up on dosage and nothing happens.

So my doctors decided it was time to get me off the Effexor. I’ve gone off it once before, years and years ago, before they knew quite what an ordeal it was. I went off it basically cold-turkey then and spent several weeks thinking I was going crazy and writing poems about pain and darkness. It was delightful, really.

Now that the drug is not new, there’s a protocol for going off it and I am following that protocol. I started this week going down a notch on it and started taking the starting dose of my new medicine Trintellix alongside it.

Day One: Euphoria. It was like I was Harry Potter and I’d just taken the Felix Felicis potion. I could do no wrong. Everything felt right and good. I did a couple doctor visits, all the laundry, and the dishes. Got it all done quick and easily with energy to spare.

Day Two: The Utter Blackness of Despair. It started even before I’d properly woken up, that feeling of doubt so deep that even moving my foot to start getting out of the bed felt like I was making the worst decision of my life. My brain was telling me all the bad things that could go wrong every second of the whole day and reminding me of every mistake I have ever made. In addition to that loveliness, I felt like my blood had all been taken out and replaced with Listerine or Icy Hot. I was literally writhing in discomfort all day. I mostly wallowed around feeling awful, but did manage to get a few necessary things done, like calling and cancelling all those things we never use, like my gym membership, magazine subscriptions, etc.

Day Three: Seems to be a little bit of a combination of day one and two. I’m back to feeling a bit euphoric, like it might be a really good idea to drive to Frisco and shop at IKEA this afternoon before driving back home and picking up kids, but tempered by the brain whispers telling me that I need to have money in the bank to shop and that IKEA takes way longer than 90 minutes. So since I seem to have motivation again, I am spending the day writing and getting some random housework done before getting started on a cross-stitching project of the Star Wars logo.

 

I joined a gym

To enjoy the glow of good health, you must exercise.
-Gene Tunney

After a month of pros & cons lists, visiting local gyms either via online tours or in person, and asking lots of people lots of questions about their exercising and health efforts, I have finally joined a gym. (I see you out there looking shocked. You may close your mouths now. 😉 )

I know it’s taken me some time, but I’m finally ready to get back on the health bandwagon. Some may be amused that I’m starting so near to the Feast of Tabernacles, but I am all about starting now that I’m ready, rather than waiting until some nebulous “perfect time” that never will come.

Fitness plans (this week and next)

  1. I’m already taking a daily walk with the dog. Started that just this week. It calms us both down and makes us happy. Win!
  2. I joined the gym. I learned the machines this morning, but there will be someone there every day, every hour they are open to answer my silly questions. This was a big deal to me. I forget how to do a lot of things (like brushing my teeth. how can you forget that? My mind is a seriously weird place.).
  3. Tomorrow I will be resting from this week’s craziness. Resting is a goodness.
  4. Sunday, I will find my FLEX, charge it, and then I might go to the gym. I forgot to ask their hours. Oh wait, they may be in the stack of papers the trainer handed me. I dumped them in my inbox and forgot about them. Hmm.
  5. Monday, I will go back to the gym and try out the circuit. It will be good because I tried the machines today and only one made me want to cry. The trainer said that was the machine everyone hates the most. Well, yay for that machine. That night I will look at my stats on the computer because they should be available by then.
  6. Tuesday I am trying out Zumba for the first time. They promised not to laugh at me. I am glad about that. I am not terribly coordinated when it comes to watching someone do something and then doing it myself. I hope I don’t hurt anyone.
  7. Wednesday, I am taking a break. My trainer said I should have a couple in there during the week to let my muscles rest.  Woo hoo! (Also, I have Bible Study Fellowship on Wednesday mornings.)
  8. Thursday, I am either doing more Zumba or the circuit again. It depends on whether I broke myself and/or others doing Zumba on Tuesday.
  9. Friday, I will go do the circuit again. I will check my stats again and I will be happy that I finished out the week. 🙂

 

Cross-posted at The Thousand Teeth

Now with Bonus Content!

I’m feeling list-y at the moment.  Some things I’ve done/am doing lately:

  • Finished the CD uploads to iTunes.  Put the CD’s in boxes.  Put the boxes in the garage. Nick is taking one to his mom and I’m taking the other to Goodwill.  Then I put all the little games into the newly emptied drawers and I’m not tripping over them any more.  Yay!
  • Finished reading the Albert Campion series and the extra short story books.  Now am looking for new things to read.  Nothing seems good enough.
  • Listening to The Dead Tossed Waves while I’m at the gym on the recumbent exercise bike.  I figured this would keep me going to the gym, but I am finding the narrator so annoying that I skipped a couple of gym days last week.  I’d borrow another audio book, but I’m awaiting email from the library telling me what’s gone wrong with my digital account that it tells me I’m no longer entitled to check-outs.  Oh well.  Back to the gym I go.  Must get in shape so I don’t die walking everywhere in Ireland in July.
  • Trying to put together my PTA board for next year.  Yes, I got talked into being President.  You may laugh now.  Only two people showed up to the meeting and one decided not to join us.  Yay.  I’m trying to be all Bright Side about it; we’ll have a kick-ass Parliamentarian. 🙂
  • Bought new pretty things for my backyard with money from sale of backyard things we no longer used: a new table umbrella, some pretty chimes, a cushion for my bench, pillows for the bench, vinyl tablecloths for the tables.  Also pretty things for the front yard: 3 spinny-flower-things and a set of tiny chimes and a new bright red watering-can.
  • Greg bought seeds, potting soil, tiny plastic pots, and some tiny fences and started planting a garden.  We need to transplant those little plants today.  Must Not Forget!!
  • We also put a bunch of those seeds in the front garden, but I can’t tell the little flowers from weeds at this point and don’t know what to pull up and what to leave.  We did a variety pack and I have no idea what those flowers look like as babies.
  • I worked at the kids old MDO last week.  Super fun!  Love being with the little kids.  Getting money is just bonus!
  • I’ve been watching the last season of Doctor Who over again as I fold laundry the last week or so.  Whee!
  • We did another Spring Recital at church. Nick MC’d, his mom and Ben and David all performed, and I made the programs and decided the playing order.  It went really well. 🙂  Ben played two beautiful piano pieces.  David played one march-type piano piece and another march-style trumpet piece.  They both did really well.
  • We also did a clothing exchange at church.  I gave away a couple of bags of our clothes and got more than a couple of bags of clothes back.  I’m passing some on to my sister-in-law who is similarly sized, but has different tastes in clothes than I do (colored pants freak me out and she seems to love them).  I also got a bunch of shoes!  Little cute flat shoes!  And one pair of platform sandals that are evenly platformed, if you know what I mean.  No slope.  I can wear them, look taller, and not fall.  Must find more of these kind of shoes.
  • Now I’m washing all these new-to-me clothes and watching videos on how to tailor some of them to fit me better.  I’ve never done that before.  Should be interesting.  If I’m not working tomorrow, it will be sewing day!  I haven’t been crafty in more than a week now, so it’s definitely time!
  • Photos will appear in the sidebar at some point today or tomorrow.  Apparently I haven’t updated them since February?!  Aie!

There we go: content unlocked.  🙂

Lisa

Little rituals

On mornings where I don’t have a substituting job or volunteer work to go do, I come back home and turn on the Soundscapes channel on Music Choice, make a pot of hot water, and start making tea.IMG_3205

I have a little teapot that I make chai tea in, filling it half full of hothot water with honey and half with milk and then the loose chai I got in Gatlinburg last year. While that’s steeping, I use the bottom half of the pot (which is a giant cup) to make quicker-steeping tea.  Then on colder days I go sit in my corner chair with the owl-pillow-of-love and stare out at the trees and birds.  This time of year there are tons of black birds and robins out in the yard fighting for worms.  I love hearing them fly off in an enormous whoosh when something scares them.209

On warmer days I take my tea outside onto the back patio and sit on my rocker-bench and feel the breeze in my hair.  I think about things I’d like to do in my yard later in the year when the kids are home for the summer and better ways to store all our outdoor stuff (I’d love it if my brain would turn off organizing things during my restful times, but it never does.).IMG_2918

Inevitably the phone rings and it’s back to regular life, but during these quiet moments all is right with the world and everything seems hopeful and lovely.

Listening to: “And I’ll Fly Away” by Anne Trenning

Create more

I’m finally getting around to the “Create more” portion of “Pin-free February!”

The first thing I’m trying to “create more” of is less chaos.  🙂  I know that sounds weird, but that’s the first thing on my list.  So I’ve been emptying bins around the house and making sure that they are filled with what they’re supposed to be filled with and then I’m labeling them.  I’ve also got a few new/new-to-this use bins and have been putting them into use.

New baskets for hats in the hall closet

New baskets for hats in the hall closet

Newly labeled (but definitely not new) bins in the hallway closet.

Newly labeled (but definitely not new) bins in the hallway closet.

Reorganized & labeled kitchen drawers.  I'm trying to teach the kids to be a bit more independent when emptying the dishwasher.

Reorganized & labeled kitchen drawers. I’m trying to teach the kids to be a bit more independent when emptying the dishwasher.

Kids bathroom drawer: now organized & with labels!  (that black tray came from today's kids meal - saving money FTW!)

Speaking of kids independence: kids bathroom drawer: now organized & with labels! (that black tray came from today’s kids meal – saving money FTW!)

I’m also trying to create more beauty in my house.

I bought a cheap garland at the dollar store and prettied it up with some extra fake flowers I had lying around.  I looks a lot nicer in person, actually.

I bought a cheap garland at the dollar store and prettied it up with some extra fake flowers I had lying around. I looks a lot nicer in person, actually.

Prettying up my laundry room shelf - I think I'm finally going to repaint it once the rain goes away.

Prettying up my laundry room shelf – I think I’m finally going to repaint it once the rain goes away.

Later:

I spray painted the shelf and the picture frame (using a pinterest method that failed). and tried to decorate the other frame as well.

I spray painted the shelf pink, which is not a color you will really find a lot of in the house, and the picture frame I tried using a pinterest method that failed and I tried to decorate the other frame using a different pinterest method as well.

Combo: I spraypainted my  red key holder to match the shelf and run and I also labeled the hooks once again.  That empty space is awaiting a spraypainted basket.  :) I wanted to make it green but I didn't have the right shade so I once I realized it looked bad I decided not to hang it up until I got the color right.

Combo: I spray painted my red key holder to match the shelf and run and I also labeled the hooks once again. That space is awaiting a spray painted basket. 🙂 I wanted to make it green but I didn’t have the right shade so I once I realized it looked bad I decided not to hang it up until I got the color right.

My new laundry room rug - see how it picks up the colors from the fairies & art on the shelf?

My new laundry room rug – see how it picks up the colors from the fairies & art on the shelf now? YAY!  🙂

Little things

David stayed home Friday, so we stayed home and I did some little things I’d been meaning to get to (photo editing, making appointments, etc.) 🙂

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Greg helped Nick make dinner that night, which was super cute.
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:)Then later Nick and I had a wine & cheese night. 🙂 It was lovely.
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Yesterday was a church day, but today I got back to my little projects. I cleaned the front hallway closet, took out the hanging shoe rack thing since we haven’t been using it since we no longer exit out the front door in the mornings. I moved those items into bins on the floor of the closet (mostly spare hats & gloves, sunscreen & bug spray, and miscellaneous fun things we use mostly in the summer.) and threw out most of the junk that was in those bins previously.
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Next up I’m going to cut the shoe rack into fewer columns of cubbies since the outer rows are broken. I’m going to move those into the garage for wrapping supply storage. Then I moved my purse rack into the hall closet because it was messing with the calmness of my bedroom.
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After all that I put away my stamps & ink from last week and gave Greg the leftover bin for his science supplies.
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While I was doing all that, my menfolk were getting the garden started for the spring.
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Last week I was thinking that I’d love some kind of jewelry rack that hid my jewelry a bit more than what my current system did. By some miracle, I found just what I was looking for in the Family Dollar store:

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I bought two, because I have a lot of jewelry. (I also got a cute rug for my garage entryway/laundry room, but I forgot to take a photo of that.) I haven’t filled them with photos yet, but I’ve been digging through Flickr looking through 2009 photos (because they were lost in the Great Hard Drive Failure of 2009) and I’ll have those printed tomorrow while I’m getting things ready for a Secret Project.

Speaking of projects, I also helped Ben with his Solar System project this weekend. He decided to make a mobile, so we made balls from Sculpey, baked them, & painted them today.
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Now we’re having dinner and games with my parents. All in all a productive weekend.

Back to school? Or not…

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It’s not just Pin-Free February, it’s also my month to test out nearly full time work and see if I can really do it before making a big decision.  I’m thinking about going back to school and getting my master’s degree in library science.  I have a totally busy month planned out, filled with lots of days subbing up at the elementary school, lots of full days of volunteering (field trips! teacher appreciation!), lots of full days just trying to get caught up on laundry & cleaning, and then a few days I’ve scheduled as full writing days because that’s not getting done right now what with everything else going on.  We will see if I can do all that and survive the month.  Who knows?

 

Stop Pinning, Start Creating!

My friend Godiva and I are participating in Pin -Free February this month. We’re each doing it differently, though. She’s not going to Pinterest at all, but is still pinning things from her Pin It button. I, on the other hand, am not pinning new things, but am going to my own boards in Pinterest and am either reading-and-deleting pins or making-then-moving-them-to-finished. Some people are going all out and just eschewing the site altogether. Ha!

This morning I made two things from quotes I’d liked on Pinterest. One was this one:

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…(I don’t know if you can read it. It says: “To plant a garden is to believe in tomorrow.”. -Audrey Hepburn). which lives on my front patio, and then inspired me to tidy my front patio area. (I want to get some flowers out there and for it to be sunnier before my big reveal.)

Then I made this sign for my dining room, using the frame that matches the outdoor one, but had no glass. I also used bits of paper from Matt & Heather’s wedding favors.

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After that I ran off for my infusion & I wrote out some cards that are waaaaay past due, then read-and-deleted for an hour. Deleting pins is even more fun than pinning them! Who knew?!

So what craftiness are you getting up to this month?

Anyone, anywhere

Can I say something?

 

I just want YOU to know, YOU, whoever you are, whatever choices you’ve made, whatever wrongs you think you have done, whatever you think you are to the world out there:

 

I LOVE YOU.

I THINK ABOUT YOU.

I PRAY TO GOD/THE UNIVERSE/WHATEVER THERE IS FOR YOU.

AND I AM WISHING YOU ALL GOOD THINGS.

 

 

I am not perfect.  No one is.  No one has the right to judge you, in your situation, for the things you have done or the things you intended to do, but didn’t.

 

KNOW THAT YOU ARE LOVED.

 

It’s all I have to offer.  And I want YOU to have it.

 

Love,

ME