I had that one really great writing day last week and then it all dried up. When I say “dried up,” I don’t mean that no words came to mind…not exactly. I was just too cranky to find the words and let them out.
It started with a migraine that wouldn’t go away. I woke up migraine free this morning after 7 days of migraine. It was not one of those all-encompassing-bad migraines, but one of those where your head hurts and you feel dizzy and things look weird and nothing seems right.
Then I joined a reading group for next year where you try to read a book a week all year, only you fit the books into categories that someone else makes up. It sounded fun, but led me down the deep dark path of “what did I read this year?” I only had like 20 books in GoodReads and surely I’d read more than that, right? Turned out I had 38 books in my “Currently Reading” list that I’d never gotten around to finishing. So I’m making my way through the ends of those now. I do the audio book of “Becoming” when I’m in the car waiting for kids, a fun kids book “5 Children and It” (from the Top 100 Fantasy Books list that came out not too long ago) in the morning when my brain isn’t awake yet, and “Thinking Fast and Slow” when I have more brain.
Then my sister told me that my dad caught Covid. Seriously? He goes nowhere and sees no one. He doesn’t even feel bad from it. He went to the doctor for something else and they tested him for it any way. So now he’s super perky because he’s on good drugs. This did not make me feel better about life, though, because now our carefully laid out Thanksgiving plans are not going to happen. We were kind of all depending on having a few lazy days somewhere that wasn’t this house for the first time in seven months. It made the crankiness worse. And a cranky Lisa is not a writing Lisa.
A few days into this “no writing” phenomena, I just decided I hated everything and I was done writing forever. I cleared off my desk, took down a bunch of art, and decided to work on some other projects. One of those was clearing out my hard drive. So I spent a solid day combining all my photo files, deleting the randomness out, and making those nice. Then I spent a day sorting out my documents folder into places where things actually went. That led to me shoving all my poetry into a Scrivener document, like I’d always planned. Which led me to looking for poems that I couldn’t find, but knew I’d written. Which led me to tidying up my writing from the TPL writer’s group and putting it all into the right Scrivener files.
Which sneakily led me back into real, actual writing again because I kept finding things that just needed a little tweaking here or there to fit into place in their own main storylines. So I’d tidy this bit up over here, and change the time of this piece right there, and bam: a whole new scene just appeared. MAGIC!
I’m working on editing posts I made in the last few weeks about my sinus surgery. Some of them were a little too drug-addled for publication and some of them just too gross. But soon, my friends, soon there will be updates.
I am thankful for smaller pains. You know how when you have a deep papercut on your finger and you realise that you use that finger for a LOT of things and every time you use it there’s a stabbing little pain? Imagine that in your nose every time you breathe in and every time you breathe out. That’s been me the last few days. Before this there was too much big aching pain in my face to notice this smaller irritating pain. So I’m thankful for this smaller pain today, my friends.
Longer than the facebook version….
1. Had my surgery follow up doctor’s appointment today. Only one small spot still looks infection-y. The rest is coming along nicely, whatever that means. I’m healing slower than he’d expected. I’m to be on the look-out for green snot & headaches, both of which I currently have. Yay? He said to check back once my antibiotics are done if I still have those things in my life. I don’t want those things in my life a week from now.
2. I am still feeling completely irritating bouts of exhaustion. If I do anything at all (for instance: try to fold laundry, wash some dishes, leave the house), I require a two-hour nap in the afternoon. It makes me less happy than I might appear here on facebook (which is a story in and of itself. Someone told me I seemed really happy and healthy on facebook. Umm. Okay. I do try to keep my facebook page relatively upbeat.)
3. The more the swelling goes down, the weirder my face looks. Everyone I’ve seen in person has been complimentary, but I still am finding it weird. My nose tilts a different direction than I’d ever remembered it doing. I spent literally an hour staring at old pictures and new ones comparing them back and forth and back and forth. It turns out that the longer you stare at yourself, the weirder you look.
4. Nick comes home tomorrow! Yay for tomorrow! Here’s what I’m hoping: I hope that him being home will help me heal faster. I’ve read that people do heal faster when they get to talk to and, more importantly, touch their loved ones. I’ve had lots of little people touches…I just think big ones are better for this kind of thing, maybe? I don’t know what I’m saying. Little people love is great! 🙂
Went out to lunch at Bruno’s with my lovely BSF ladies today. First time out being social that was not funeral related. God was definitely holding me upright for the funeral. Now I know. Oh so tired.
Lunch was interesting in that so many things that I was used to tasting seemed differently flavored. I like Bruno’s, I’ve been there a decent number of times, and their food isn’t known for big changes. But things tasted different and it’s the second day in a row that I’ve really noticed that. The Dr. Pepper was way more vanilla flavored than it was before surgery and I’m pretty certain I don’t like it better than before. The marinara sauce was more tomato flavored (and that is still icky to me). Still loved the rolls, even though they were difficult to eat while I was out. Came home and broke it into chunks and devoured them. 🙂 Tried to feed the rest of my food to kids, but it was a no go situation. Oh well.
Spent the rest of the day directing kids to do laundry from the comfort of my own bed. When I said I was tired….oh my….
1. It’s been two weeks…. out from surgery & I am on my second round of antibiotics because I can’t shake this infection. Inside of my nose feels like fire because of an altercation with a toddler with a hat at a funeral. These things you just can’t make up. I called the doctor about it and they said that as long as there wasn’t fresh bleeding or new levels of goo coming out that I shouldn’t be too terribly worried.
2. I’ve got fire ant bites all over my foot from standing on the side of the road yesterday helping point out the accident victims belongings floating in the ditch. “The funny thing is…wait…I’m still killing fire ants on my shoes…the funny thing is….I can’t think of anything funny while killing ants.” (I still don’t know what I was trying to say there. It was something funny, that’s all I remember.)
3. Please don’t tell me I should have stayed home this weekend. I will bite you. I don’t regret being with my best friend when she needed me.
4. The hip/back pain that plagued me from Thursday til Sunday is finally gone. I can walk without limping! I was in serious pain all weekend…not just my nose, but my back and my hip. It was really weird. Laying down made it worse, but I couldn’t walk very well, either. It was a weird combo.
5. I can smell again! Yay for scents! Things I am loving smelling: my kids heads, the dryer sheets as I pass the laundry room, the scented wax in the master bathroom and living room, my shampoo, my soap, the bathroom hand soap….the list is nearly endless! (I could live without the kitchen trash smell, though.)
I am not well. I just want to point that out in case later someone wonders. There’s still icky stuff draining from my nose. Really icky stuff. It looks like Hershey’s syrup, brown and goopy. I have talked to the doctor’s office and they have prescribed yet stronger antibiotics because I am still all one with the infection.
My best friend’s mom died this week and the funeral is tomorrow. I need to be there and I need to be here and none of it is good.
That being said, later today she will drive the 2.5 hours to my house and spend the night here and tomorrow we will tackle her mom’s funeral together. Or something. I am not sure I will be useful to her at all, actually. I still need people to help me out of the couch on a regular basis and bring me tea and make me easily edible food. So we will see how that all goes.
Things I’m thankful for:
1. Neosporin + Pain Reliever all in one tube. Because I needed to put that stuff on a q-tip and rub it around inside my nose anyway; I’m glad they’ve added pain reliever so it’s bonus good.
2. Nick teaching the boys all the cooking things last week. So today the younger boys could make and bake brownies all on their own (and the house didn’t burn down because they took them out all by themselves when I totally forgot about them!) and tonight David will be making lasagna and broccoli for dinner.
3. Friends and family that check in by phone and in person, that bring us food from their homes or from the store so I don’t have to waste my energy on wandering through stores and instead can invest it in my family.
4. The sunshiny weather we’ve been having the last few days because it makes going outside to the car bearable when I have to go out to drop off and pick up boys (which is still the only reason I’ve left the house this week).
5. Time to heal and to be restful. I’ve spent a lot of time on my comfy, cozy couch this week.
6. There is no #6.
7. Netflix, without which I might be crazy from watching American daytime TV.
1. Have discovered that adding a second kind of pain reliever is key to my comfort. It is so much better. Not pain free by a long shot, but much less intense. More like sinus infection level pain.
2. I made my own lunch today. Well, I started making it yesterday, did bits & pieces last night & this morning, then made it around 11am. Didn’t have energy to eat it til after it’d gone cold, but PROGRESS!!!
3. My parents are staying on two more nights. They’ll take kids to school tomorrow and attend meetings in my stead that night, then they’ll go home in the morning and I’ll be back to regular life on my own on Tuesday.
4. Tuesday scares me. While I’m upright most of the day now, I don’t have energy for dealing with anything yet. I have to sleep immediately after anything extra, like making food, or washing my face, or having a long conversation.
This morning, my husband packed himself off and left for The Hague. He’ll be there a week and a half and I will be here, fending for myself and the kids. It will be fun! (said nobody ever).
The kids are at Nick’s parents house for the weekend so they can do their usual church and open gym night and basketball weekend routine without having to rely on me to get them anywhere, which is good, as I’m still not driving the car. I am still taking the Tylenol-3. They said it would only be a week until I would stop taking it. I can’t imagine that, but then again, I couldn’t imagine my nose unstuffing, either, and that has happened for the most part over the last couple days.
This afternoon, sometime, my parents will show up. I’m in their house now, watching TV while typing. I’ve watched a lot of television this week, most of it Midsomer Murders on Netflix. It’s been a good show to watch. British, mystery, funny, long episodes. I’ve enjoyed it. I don’t think I’ll get to watch it here, though. Maybe we’ll watch some movies instead. I hope so. I don’t watch a lot of movies.